After what are very long and strained minutes, she replies again. Conceding. Resigned. Aching.]
I understand. Just
["Just" what? She's not even a useful monster.]
You probably figured it out when I tried to help you I don't feel pain. There aren't a lot of people here who know, not even in our own faction. So what I wanted to say is
Please let me know if it's too much. Because I don't know how it feels for you But I do know that the only hurt I can feel is if someone disappears and I just stood by wondering what it was like.
[ that last sentence does strike a chord within shylock. a girl who can't feel physical pain, but emotional ones... ]
I wanted to thank you for that night, Miss Monts. You may think that you haven't done anything of note at the time, but you did. Most people recognize that physical pain is excruciating, but emotional pain hurts just as much if not worse, because most of us would rather put those feelings aside rather than confront them head-on.
As for that incident, it was very painful for me. But I wouldn't want anyone to take away that feeling of pain from me, because it is all I have. Simple as that.
[ it's not that simple??? but shylock is never simple. he is delightfully complicated, but he tries his best in explaining what he thinks in layman's terms even if no one would understand anyway. ]
[Those who are of magic are eccentric; she figured as much ever since colliding with Iona and Oren and the former was around her age, Iona made for a sharp example of the fact.
The water dragon also told her as much. Those who live long are bound to cling to some obsession and it's what drives their lifespan and helps them not stagnate.
When Shylock tells her that the feeling of pain his burning heart gives him is all that he has? She understands it if only somewhat. After all, isn't she clinging to the humanity she learned from her grandparents and the crafted image she's made for herself?]
Does the pain make you happy? Like it tells you that you're still alive and that you exist in the here and now?
Precisely. All too often we take these feelings for granted, and while the pain can be excruciating, it will soon come to pass. Physically and emotionally.
Furthermore, it proves that I am not dead, unlike what other Lost Souls would usually think upon arriving here in Hell.
It's going to be all right. After all, you are not alone.
[ but he knows better than to bring monts to someone like owen, so-- ]
If you don't understand something, you'll have to look more into it, hm? [ if she were here, he would've tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear in reassurance. ] Rather than viewing your lack of pain as a weakness, you can turn the tables and make it your strength. Such as the way you bravely touched my heart, for example.
It may be daunting, that's true. But it only means that you're still human deep inside.
[ and the fact that shylock rarely if ever processes fear means that he is not. ]
That voice, her own voice that has been dormant, tethered to the recesses of her mind due to Hell's power whispers faintly. It hasn't been loud since the blood rain, thankfully. Looking at Shylock's words was simultaneously comforting and brought up that resentment that would never completely dry out.]
I'm trying. I must have gotten better at it if you say it's so.
[She's not sure what else to say because there's only so much over text that can be conveyed.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
After what are very long and strained minutes, she replies again. Conceding. Resigned. Aching.]
I understand.
Just
["Just" what? She's not even a useful monster.]
You probably figured it out when I tried to help you
I don't feel pain.
There aren't a lot of people here who know, not even in our own faction.
So what I wanted to say is
Please let me know if it's too much.
Because I don't know how it feels for you
But I do know that the only hurt I can feel is if someone disappears and I just stood by wondering what it was like.
no subject
I wanted to thank you for that night, Miss Monts. You may think that you haven't done anything of note at the time, but you did. Most people recognize that physical pain is excruciating, but emotional pain hurts just as much if not worse, because most of us would rather put those feelings aside rather than confront them head-on.
As for that incident, it was very painful for me. But I wouldn't want anyone to take away that feeling of pain from me, because it is all I have. Simple as that.
[ it's not that simple??? but shylock is never simple. he is delightfully complicated, but he tries his best in explaining what he thinks in layman's terms even if no one would understand anyway. ]
no subject
The water dragon also told her as much. Those who live long are bound to cling to some obsession and it's what drives their lifespan and helps them not stagnate.
When Shylock tells her that the feeling of pain his burning heart gives him is all that he has? She understands it if only somewhat. After all, isn't she clinging to the humanity she learned from her grandparents and the crafted image she's made for herself?]
Does the pain make you happy?
Like it tells you that you're still alive and that you exist in the here and now?
no subject
Furthermore, it proves that I am not dead, unlike what other Lost Souls would usually think upon arriving here in Hell.
no subject
She steels herself up before typing.]
I don't know how it is here for me.
Maybe it's different.
But I can't feel pain.
And I can't die.
So I don't understand it at all
but i do know I'm scared
no subject
It's going to be all right. After all, you are not alone.
[ but he knows better than to bring monts to someone like owen, so-- ]
If you don't understand something, you'll have to look more into it, hm? [ if she were here, he would've tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear in reassurance. ] Rather than viewing your lack of pain as a weakness, you can turn the tables and make it your strength. Such as the way you bravely touched my heart, for example.
It may be daunting, that's true. But it only means that you're still human deep inside.
[ and the fact that shylock rarely if ever processes fear means that he is not. ]
no subject
Can that be true?
How can you be so sure wizard?"
That voice, her own voice that has been dormant, tethered to the recesses of her mind due to Hell's power whispers faintly. It hasn't been loud since the blood rain, thankfully. Looking at Shylock's words was simultaneously comforting and brought up that resentment that would never completely dry out.]
I'm trying.
I must have gotten better at it if you say it's so.
[She's not sure what else to say because there's only so much over text that can be conveyed.]
See you at Hemlock some other evening?
no subject
[ and that's the end of that.
it really is hard to convey feelings through text. ]