Let me explain. The moon where I'm from is often called the Great Calamity, for it will one day destroy our world. I am one of the wizards chosen by the Master Sage to help ward it away every year.
Now, the Great Calamity has been growing in power as the centuries past, to the point that last year, one-half of our comrades had turned to stone. The other half, meanwhile, were given various afflictions that greatly affect us in our day to day lives. The one you saw that night was my affliction that had returned all of a sudden.
[Well, she feels like a clown. Or maybe she can blame Iona for this, something something, speaking things into reality, something.
What is Marianna supposed to say in reply to all this? True she's used to there being other worlds and Iona and Oren always told her to keep her mind at ease in regards to those cultures. There's only so much they can do to intervene or help if they even tried. At the end of the day, she was safe from thinking too hard about the hardships of other people in other places, a casual observer in a tiny corner of the cosmos.
But here she is, mixed in with everyone else. She's not sure she can be so impartial.]
I don't know what to say. That really sucks. Like that's fucking awful!
[Monts isn't commonly this crude but this isn't something to take lightly.]
But aren't we like, at least worlds away? Forget it being the afterlife, is this Calamity that powerful that it reverberates here?
I wonder. Someone in our ranks was dedicated into researching the moon, but then he'd gotten too close, and it shattered his soul into pieces.
[ and he is right here in hell where he belongs, fooling around in sutoku territory. there's no wonder why murr was snapped up by them, tbh. ]
But yes, the Great Calamity might be powerful enough to transcend worlds. It is called a Calamity, for a reason.
I'm glad that you are angry on our behalf, Miss Monts, but for the time being, there isn't much we can do. The fire in my chest does fade away in a couple of moments, and it could've been worse. Much, much worse.
After what are very long and strained minutes, she replies again. Conceding. Resigned. Aching.]
I understand. Just
["Just" what? She's not even a useful monster.]
You probably figured it out when I tried to help you I don't feel pain. There aren't a lot of people here who know, not even in our own faction. So what I wanted to say is
Please let me know if it's too much. Because I don't know how it feels for you But I do know that the only hurt I can feel is if someone disappears and I just stood by wondering what it was like.
[ that last sentence does strike a chord within shylock. a girl who can't feel physical pain, but emotional ones... ]
I wanted to thank you for that night, Miss Monts. You may think that you haven't done anything of note at the time, but you did. Most people recognize that physical pain is excruciating, but emotional pain hurts just as much if not worse, because most of us would rather put those feelings aside rather than confront them head-on.
As for that incident, it was very painful for me. But I wouldn't want anyone to take away that feeling of pain from me, because it is all I have. Simple as that.
[ it's not that simple??? but shylock is never simple. he is delightfully complicated, but he tries his best in explaining what he thinks in layman's terms even if no one would understand anyway. ]
[Those who are of magic are eccentric; she figured as much ever since colliding with Iona and Oren and the former was around her age, Iona made for a sharp example of the fact.
The water dragon also told her as much. Those who live long are bound to cling to some obsession and it's what drives their lifespan and helps them not stagnate.
When Shylock tells her that the feeling of pain his burning heart gives him is all that he has? She understands it if only somewhat. After all, isn't she clinging to the humanity she learned from her grandparents and the crafted image she's made for herself?]
Does the pain make you happy? Like it tells you that you're still alive and that you exist in the here and now?
Precisely. All too often we take these feelings for granted, and while the pain can be excruciating, it will soon come to pass. Physically and emotionally.
Furthermore, it proves that I am not dead, unlike what other Lost Souls would usually think upon arriving here in Hell.
It's going to be all right. After all, you are not alone.
[ but he knows better than to bring monts to someone like owen, so-- ]
If you don't understand something, you'll have to look more into it, hm? [ if she were here, he would've tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear in reassurance. ] Rather than viewing your lack of pain as a weakness, you can turn the tables and make it your strength. Such as the way you bravely touched my heart, for example.
It may be daunting, that's true. But it only means that you're still human deep inside.
[ and the fact that shylock rarely if ever processes fear means that he is not. ]
That voice, her own voice that has been dormant, tethered to the recesses of her mind due to Hell's power whispers faintly. It hasn't been loud since the blood rain, thankfully. Looking at Shylock's words was simultaneously comforting and brought up that resentment that would never completely dry out.]
I'm trying. I must have gotten better at it if you say it's so.
[She's not sure what else to say because there's only so much over text that can be conveyed.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Let me explain. The moon where I'm from is often called the Great Calamity, for it will one day destroy our world. I am one of the wizards chosen by the Master Sage to help ward it away every year.
Now, the Great Calamity has been growing in power as the centuries past, to the point that last year, one-half of our comrades had turned to stone. The other half, meanwhile, were given various afflictions that greatly affect us in our day to day lives. The one you saw that night was my affliction that had returned all of a sudden.
[ a wry smile. ]
Oh, well. It was good while it lasted.
no subject
What is Marianna supposed to say in reply to all this? True she's used to there being other worlds and Iona and Oren always told her to keep her mind at ease in regards to those cultures. There's only so much they can do to intervene or help if they even tried. At the end of the day, she was safe from thinking too hard about the hardships of other people in other places, a casual observer in a tiny corner of the cosmos.
But here she is, mixed in with everyone else. She's not sure she can be so impartial.]
I don't know what to say.
That really sucks.
Like that's fucking awful!
[Monts isn't commonly this crude but this isn't something to take lightly.]
But aren't we like, at least worlds away?
Forget it being the afterlife, is this Calamity that powerful that it reverberates here?
no subject
[ and he is right here in hell where he belongs, fooling around in sutoku territory. there's no wonder why murr was snapped up by them, tbh. ]
But yes, the Great Calamity might be powerful enough to transcend worlds. It is called a Calamity, for a reason.
I'm glad that you are angry on our behalf, Miss Monts, but for the time being, there isn't much we can do. The fire in my chest does fade away in a couple of moments, and it could've been worse. Much, much worse.
no subject
After what are very long and strained minutes, she replies again. Conceding. Resigned. Aching.]
I understand.
Just
["Just" what? She's not even a useful monster.]
You probably figured it out when I tried to help you
I don't feel pain.
There aren't a lot of people here who know, not even in our own faction.
So what I wanted to say is
Please let me know if it's too much.
Because I don't know how it feels for you
But I do know that the only hurt I can feel is if someone disappears and I just stood by wondering what it was like.
no subject
I wanted to thank you for that night, Miss Monts. You may think that you haven't done anything of note at the time, but you did. Most people recognize that physical pain is excruciating, but emotional pain hurts just as much if not worse, because most of us would rather put those feelings aside rather than confront them head-on.
As for that incident, it was very painful for me. But I wouldn't want anyone to take away that feeling of pain from me, because it is all I have. Simple as that.
[ it's not that simple??? but shylock is never simple. he is delightfully complicated, but he tries his best in explaining what he thinks in layman's terms even if no one would understand anyway. ]
no subject
The water dragon also told her as much. Those who live long are bound to cling to some obsession and it's what drives their lifespan and helps them not stagnate.
When Shylock tells her that the feeling of pain his burning heart gives him is all that he has? She understands it if only somewhat. After all, isn't she clinging to the humanity she learned from her grandparents and the crafted image she's made for herself?]
Does the pain make you happy?
Like it tells you that you're still alive and that you exist in the here and now?
no subject
Furthermore, it proves that I am not dead, unlike what other Lost Souls would usually think upon arriving here in Hell.
no subject
She steels herself up before typing.]
I don't know how it is here for me.
Maybe it's different.
But I can't feel pain.
And I can't die.
So I don't understand it at all
but i do know I'm scared
no subject
It's going to be all right. After all, you are not alone.
[ but he knows better than to bring monts to someone like owen, so-- ]
If you don't understand something, you'll have to look more into it, hm? [ if she were here, he would've tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear in reassurance. ] Rather than viewing your lack of pain as a weakness, you can turn the tables and make it your strength. Such as the way you bravely touched my heart, for example.
It may be daunting, that's true. But it only means that you're still human deep inside.
[ and the fact that shylock rarely if ever processes fear means that he is not. ]
no subject
Can that be true?
How can you be so sure wizard?"
That voice, her own voice that has been dormant, tethered to the recesses of her mind due to Hell's power whispers faintly. It hasn't been loud since the blood rain, thankfully. Looking at Shylock's words was simultaneously comforting and brought up that resentment that would never completely dry out.]
I'm trying.
I must have gotten better at it if you say it's so.
[She's not sure what else to say because there's only so much over text that can be conveyed.]
See you at Hemlock some other evening?
no subject
[ and that's the end of that.
it really is hard to convey feelings through text. ]